Vrooom and away!

I have a dream that every child will be independent bla bla bla..Martin do yourself a favour and stop that meaty thing from moving in your mouth.

Last i heard, it was/is every teens dream to be independent. And equally taxing,the parent ensures no such thing happens. And you still wonder why you are bought for a phone and its loaded with credo like once in a year? Why you are spoilt with gadgets, but still reminded that they aren't yours. Well,excuse me but i can't picture mzee playing tekken, Pro Evo or the sort. These are just baits. Veiled to give you a false sense of hope. Don't get me wrong but I really do appreciate the love. Tough love. You'll soon get to the tipping point of this story. Believe me(its not like you have any choice), this 'theory' has legs.

It was time to say bye to home, this boy was flying miles away. Its amazing how GOODbyes turn out so emotional( i'm speaking to my left eye,since it let the man in me down). So mad excitoz! Feeling all tingly...and the world around us wont stop turning tonight..i like i like..that's the Keri Hilson(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpoIxKkJ1G4&ob=av2e) song that kept playing in my empty(only I can call myself that) head. I wouldn't want to bore you with how many goodbyes i said but i'd love to mention the hug i gave my mum. You see this hug thing isn't my cup of tea,really ladies! So unless I don't want to embarass you or I really love you(butterfly) then no way will this boy open his arms wide. Unless i'm smacking you in the face. 


So there i was in THE plane..and yes i think I almost changed my mind. Not that i wanted to go back home. No,not at all. I just had my doubts about this technology thing. I had doubts if the Wright bros ever existed.I had doubts staking my life to this fat man(pilot).What if he had a stroke? I had doubts over my science teacher in elementary.Why so you may ask. You see, a chicken is a bird. And it doesnt require a genius(me) to tell you that birds fly. But..infact if I may quote him he said MBUUUUTTT..(end of quote.. trust me, its safer if i stopped quoting his 'queens english')  the chicken and ostrich cannot fly. why? well they have heavy bones. or rather their bones are not hollow. The only chicken i've seen flying was in my dreams. So how do you explain to me that this 'big bird', even scarier the guy next leaned over and told me its called an airbus, that makes matters worse, will float in the air like its a baloon. What does it think it has to make it more special than our chicken called kwamboka. Balls? Guts? atleast our chicken called kwamboks has guts for all i know. If was the C.E.O i'd have changed the name to something more comforting. Say like umm 'Magical Flying Baloon' not Airbus..i swear from the heart of my bottom that those fellas who ride on this thing have attempted suicide. How do you experience comfort with such a name? Anyway i rest my case.


So yes it took alot of persuasion from the voices in my head to trust that the Wright bros were homo sapiens sapiens just like you and me. I cannot tell you how much warning and instructions had been drilled into my poor soul. Don't talk to Nigerians. They will plant you drugs on you. I did not want to become soil(get it *wink). Sit next to the boarding gate. And do not blink. blink only when you are seated in the plane?but dad what if a fly falls in my eye? tellit to get out.geeez! So im seated and some random guy comes over and stretches his hand towards me. Nigeeerriiiaaannn....people! so i was like expecting drugs to start growing anytime soon. I dont know if a stare can take one down. Trust me mine worked effectively. The guy instantly knew this is a wrong number right thurr. so I  wore a mischevious smile trying to act like an undercover agent. Dont blame a brother but i expected the naija brother to come out flying through the window. Apparently i suck at acting. Bitter pill.


I don't want to say that the guy was Burundian. I also don't want to say that he would be seating next to me the whole 9 hour trip. I also dont want to say that he helped me wear my seat belt (what undercover agent doesnt know how to wear the belt). And i don't want to know that he didn't understand english. 


The best part was the air hostess (tell me you saw that coming). They were these Belgians who had magical smiles. This Luhya brother has only been served food once by a mzungu and that was in his dreams. So the second time was magical. You dont wanna know how i mistreated them. I could see the thinly veiled disgust behind the plastic smiles. Is there anything cheaper than plastic? Whatever it is I gave them a smile equivalent to that. More of a smug. I had to revenge all the gold they stole from Africa. I'm sure my great grand pa was rolling in his grave in laughter. I have to say that I had a little bit of sympathy towards the gentleman. It was already enough torture to do such a sissy job. remind them to thank me.


I dont know if karma is the right word to use but boy was i in for it when i arrived in Brussels. I got arrested for the most vain offence in human history.Check the next blog for more.


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