Have you ever searched for something? Searched for it so bad that you felt like kicking the neighbour’s dog. And then…and then you find that goddam thing on yourself. Be it clasped in your hands or in your pockets, if it is small enough. Well, unfortunately, I cannot kick my neighbour’s dog. It’s a mix breed of all the baddest dogs you have heard of. This is a dog that doesn’t lift its hind legs while taking a piss. In fact, the piss gives itself to be taken. Maybe you have not heard, but I have my fair share of history with dogs. I have been brutalised by them. I have been hospitalized…okay not really. But I got some nasty tetanus injection on my posterior as a result. I was young. Cut me some slack. Bring those dogs on now… yes I will end up hospitalized, but take my word; I will not go down alone. Those dark days are over. My neighbour’s dog though is another story… for once both angels on my shoulders agree that it’s a very very bad idea.
I was about young years old. Young enough to be woken up served breakfast and held hands to the bus stop. I remember I had this habit where I found pleasure in dipping bread in tea. Let’s just say I was beaten out of it. I was a nice kid. You know the ones who old women used to rub your cheeks and whisper how you’re going to be chased by girls hehe. Been there, not necessarily being chased for all the right reasons. our house help had the responsibility of escorting me to the school bus stop. We were just about to leave the main gate of our estate when, we saw some dogs(note the ‘s’) from a distance at full flight towards us. They looked like they had received direct orders from the devil to devour us. Have you ever felt betrayed? Helpless? Rejected? Hopeless? That’s just a tip of the iceberg compared to what I felt when the house help did not think twice about letting my hand go. She took to her heels into some banana plantation like 50 metres away. So yes I was alone now. The dogs numbers three (two bitches and a male), not including like six well fed puppies. I had to run, slow, but running none the less. Don’t gimme that, at least there was initiative. With every step I made ahead I took a slow-mo glimpse at the dogs which were now hot on my heels. I don’t know, I expected some lightening to strike them. Or a mango tree to fall on them all. The estate gate was wide open. Wide enough for a troop of elephants to march in. But amid my glimpses, as I turned I was met with a crashing reality. I took the edge of the gate head on. I saw stars in their well aligned constellation, including the non-existent ones. What are the odds!! So here I was seething with uncontrollable pain on the ground. It was such a crash that still left me a souvenir on my forehead. I did not have time to even touch my forehead before those carnivals swarmed me. Boy was I in for it. And then my memory right now does a Martin Scorsese on me. I have a slightly long flash of me kicking at two puppies which were of the opinion I had tasty legs. That flash is long enough to squeeze ketchup. Then it fades. Then I picture a paw on my face. That one isn’t long. The snarls are getting louder now. Either I blacked out or the memories have faded away with time, but I remember next being in the hospital bed lying on my stomach and a crisp breeze on my now naked butt. I wonder who rescued me. Is it watchman Musa? Certainly not that selfish house-help. Maybe the bitch ( the female dog not the house-help) remembered it had forgot her make-up. And it hastily left. Now you know why I never watched the movie ‘All dogs go to heaven’ because those mongrels will take the first bus straight to…
wait a minute..i actually meant an actual female dog..what the??
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